I’ll share a little secret: how to differentiate your views and beliefs and relax your hold on the ones that hurt you.

Some beliefs come from what I’ve learned – from others, from reading online and off, from studies, from listening. I’m seeing how wrong-headed these can be – like the belief in a flat earth, the belief you could use antibiotics with reckless abandon, the belief that making war on drugs would lessen the drug problem in our society. OK – and the belief that how I see things is how they are.

There are other beliefs come from a deep, quiet knowing inside – that most quiet voice inside: my deeper knowing (DK). That’s the one that knew I’d likely leave my water bottle at a gathering the other night. That’s the one that lets me know when something is really filled with goodness. That’s the one that shows me when I’m getting off course (when I really listen) in such a gentle way, I’m grateful for it.

The most troublesome beliefs come from my cultural and ancestral conditioning. The beliefs embedded in my body by family and culture seem to carry a sense of “that’s how it is.” My views on politics, race, ethnicity, society and religion largely come from here.

All negative beliefs are worth examining: judgments on others, self-doubt: I’m not good enough, I can’t. When one of these beliefs comes up in me, it’s strong and loud. There is a tightness in me around such beliefs, as if I were preparing to defend them. I notice this in my jaw and in my solar plexus. Noticing this tightness shows me I’m on a very superficial level of me.

Any belief that grabs my body, mind and emotions in this way is unexamined.  I didn’t carefully consider adopting it. Because I swallowed it whole, so to speak, I’m really not open to reason about them. At times I’ve made them part of my identity. Through such beliefs, I’ve believed in impossible things: that our society is a meritocracy, that our democracy is healthy and that people in deep difficulties are somehow different from me. Likely you could name some of your own beliefs of this sort.

What I’ve learned is that I can test my beliefs against my own deepest knowing (DK). I can ask that DK – is this true? If DK shrugs, then I know that I don’t know that it’s true. Right there, I can relate to that belief differently: I can hold it loosely, signaling to myself and others that it can be released with no effect on me. It’s safe to raise it with me.

I like holding beliefs loosely. I don’t experience the tightening around any challenges to these beliefs. I’m more open to others’ views and to others themselves. When I’m a walking opiniator, I’m like a cactus, warning people away.

You can test your beliefs by bringing any one of them up for review. Is there a tightening in your mouth or face as you consider that belief? Aha! You’ve found one to submit to DK – your own deeper knowing. If you get a roar in response – like “of course it’s true” – that’s not your DK. Your DK is only the q-u-i-e-t-e-s-t voice inside. Shhh. Listen.

Holding beliefs loosely is an immensely freeing posture. We are no longer lugging around beliefs as if they meant something to us. We are no longer walking land mines that warns others they need to be careful of what they say. There’s room in us for a light curiosity about what others see and how they arrive at that. The opinions and beliefs we’ve tested in this way no longer rule us. Our load is lighter, our step more assured. We are more present – and happier. It takes a lot of energy to hold all those false beliefs.