Do you get frustrated when people don’t seem to be able to get what you’ve said? You know yourself that when your mind is on something else, or you have made some assumptions about what another person is meaning, it is easy to misunderstand what they’ve said. Here are some common examples of situations leading to such mis-understanding, and constructive ways of assuring your message is on point, heard and understood.

Example 1: Another asks you a question.
You answer. What else could you do? It is often wise to check with the person asking the question to see whether they felt your answer was responsive to their question. Many filters and expectations get in the way of something being correctly understood as well getting in the way of the most effective response to the question. So it touches both sides. It is fine to ask,
“Did this answer your question?” or “Did our conversation address your concern?”
This kind of follow-up question shows interest and attentiveness.

Example 2: You provide directions.
When you ask, “could you tell me what you heard me say” you may feel a little silly, but you might also be surprised by the response you get. It is not uncommon to be completely misunderstood, Enjoy the mutual laughter and try again.

Example 3: You provide guidance
Once again, check in to be sure that the meaning of what you said was the meaning the other person, received. This is a particularly valuable relationship-building move: Was our discussion helpful? How was it helpful? This helps the person become clearer about the benefit of the conversation. Perhaps this is why restaurant wait staff always ask about your level of satisfaction, as you dig in to your food.

Example 4: Do you have the other person’s attention?
How can you know that you have the other person’s attention and that they are really listening?
“I’d like to share something with you. Is this a good time to talk?” or
“I need a minute of your time to go over something. Is this a good time?”

This initial check-in shows respect and extends courtesy. If a person’s attention is on something else, your message is highly unlikely to be received as you intended it. The initial check-in sets the tone for a cordial exchange provided you are willing to hear a “no, not now” and then set a time for the conversation.

Learning Step: To integrate asking, start right away to practice it. In 3 days you won’t have to struggle to remember to do it. In 7 days, it will be becoming automatic. Explore ways of making it fun and creative and having it support relationship-building in your organization and amongst your family and friends.

So – was this Tip helpful? Register your views via email reply to programs@co-creating.ca.